Saturday, 31 March 2007

Tag Your It

I do apologise to all those whom have tagged me....As per previous posts i've been preoccupied however i'm back on track! And hence i shall reply! You know what they say better late then never! On an aside very much love to Arshad, MJ and Zoe for stickin with the angry depressed "no body loves me" dude lol i hope i have filed him off for now...

Nways Here we go:

1. I have conversations in my head This usually occurs when i'm angry or have something important to say. or when i'm in dream mode These conversations are with real people. For example say im angry at someone and i never said what i wanted too at night before dosing off i'll play out an entire conversation with said person in my head. Don't know why but i do ohh and i usually play out the scene in my head at the sane time and the conversations can last for hours! and hours and hours

2. I sing out aloud unconsciously everywhere i go usually you can tell what i'm thinking by the song im singing etc etc

3. I don't dip anything.... Its wrong too dip . Biscuits where not meant to be soaked in tea or for that matter of fact buttered toast. It's wrong there should be some kind of fatwa against this.

4. I abhore kurri kitchri. It shall not pass my lips as long as i live. Nasty evil yellow stuff on yellow rice.

5. I like taking out zits and the nasty blackheads. Nasty i know hehe but yeah they fun to pop press!

Lol anyways some weird some strange some normal i guess comment away!

About Fate...

Don't you ever wonder why?

Events unfold the way they do by and by?

Pushing us closer towards each other

No matter what we do to stay away rather!

Maybe it's meant to be!

Accept the possibility and let your mind run free...

Would you intead fight a losing battle against Fate?

And let your mind be twisted away from the straight?

Peace is all you ever seek...

Yet you deny it when i present it to you and you begin to freak!

Who are we to reject what seems written out?

Will you only LISTEN when destiny has to scream and shout!

One Day this journey will end.

How it does is how you choose to comprehend...

*Words by me. Picture Called Hand of Fate from web author unknown. I wrote this a few days before this whole thing...In light of new circumstances have edited it a bit. However felt it necessary to post it anyways

Me In Pictures....

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

Excuse me, I need to purge

So now what? Where too from now? SO i've lost my best friend...(and all other conotations attached in the process). Questions arise...She said she's not going to be in my face for awhile and that she's doing it for my own good. Sigh the fact will remain i don't agree with her.. But after the rollercoaster that was last night i guess it is a semi mutual agreement. I guess Bilu was right we can't be best friends after all that was said and done. Big up to the wise man for forseeing what i could not. So now even if i do get over this (which i don't think is anytime soon) what will become of the great friendship that was once there? Did i just destroy it completely?Does friendship end because of thing like this? You know she told me the chemistry is just not there... but i don't know about that why do i feel as if it is? "something you can't produce". Normally i would go to her for advice about something like this but she's gone for now so i don't know where to turn. Who can help me now? We'll at least i hope she'll miss me in the very least. And (and i know this is selfish and mean and hurtful) but i hope she sees one day that i was right and she'll think to herself: god what did i do? i messed up. And if it's to late then to do anything then so be it. So when i get back from our 'holiday' what will the cards hold? Will i ever recieve any of that trust back or any of that friendship? Or will i be easily replaced while im gone?(as it seems a always am). Yeah i worry about things like that. She said i don't give others a chance but i don't want too the bar she set no one can surpass. You'll are probably thinking: oh my word his infatuated!duh! But i promise i'm not. I made a oath yesterday which i fully intend to keep even if it means hurting myself till my dying days. "i'll never be able to give you the happiness you deserve because i could never love you in the way you want me too" I would have been totally happy with an illusion of it. Am i going around in circles now? I guess she had to be cruel to be kind...And now? Now im sad...because i miss her and i hate fighting with her and it ruins my day and i can't concentrate on anything...Blink (my eternal sound track) kicks in:

"i'm so lost, i'm barely here. i wish i could explain myself, but words escape me, it's too late, to save me.You're too late. You're too late ...".

Your too late. Your too late to save me from this it's gone and its done and there is nothing that can be done about it!

"You're cold with disappointment, While I'm drowning in the next room, The last contagious victim of this plague between us, I'm sick with apprehension, I'm crippled from exhaustion, And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me. This is the first (thing I remember), Now it's the last (thing left on my mind) , Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper), An empty heart (replaced with paranoia), Where do we go (life's temporary), After we're gone (like new years resolutions), Why is this hard (do you recognize me), I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)"

(Quotes from Stockholm Syndrome) i hope your reading them carefully! I'm a fighter and god this one is taking alot out of me! Guess what this one im not letting go

Friday, 16 March 2007

Part of Me

As promised here is what i had in my head a few days ago. Latency never goes away: This ones for you, you know who you are my friend

Part of Me

Part of me will always wonder why.
Howcome we never ever ever really really try.

One day i'll look upon you, upon that gilded stage.
and mutter to myself in twisted happiness and rage

Always so close and yet still truly far.
Like in the night sky, light from a dead star.

They say life ia a paradox, one story ends as another begins,
but yet this tired,weary mind would travel to a place where it's bearer wins.

And as you smile and laugh and pose as the cameras flash,
the epiphany that is my life strikes me in one big crash.

Part of me will always wonder why.
Howcome we never ever ever really really try.

Thursday, 15 March 2007

Ode To My Love

I pull you out gently and my eyes light up in anticipation

I stroke you lovingly and feel the smooth texture of you

I caress your creases out lovingly an tap u gently on your head...

I bring you up slowly, savouring every stolen moment,

and as you draw close to my lips my brain begins to fire every neutron.

I press you to my lips...drawing in breath deeply the heat builds.

as u begin to burn in pleasure you crackle softly as i take you in.

And so it goes each deep breath bringing me more and more pleasure.

Finally i take all of you in and remove your head from my lips.

I toss you aside satisfied

I love you.....

My cigarette! ;-)

Teach your kiddies this...

I concocted this piece this morning improve if you'll can:

Silly Sally Sue stepped into the garden where she spotted a path
Cake in hand she duly down the path did start!

She went down down down slowly till the end where she promptly found a snake!
who promptly rose up and proceeded to take the cake!

evil resides in me ;-)

My mind goes...

Tick toc frantic...
tick toc frantic....
tick toc frantic....


Asthenia-Blink 182

Last night it came as a picture
With a good reason, a warning sign
This place is void of all passion
If you can imagine it's easy if you try
Believe me I failed this effort
I wrote a reminder this wasn't a vision
This time where are you Houston
Is somebody out there will somebody listen

Should I go back should I go back should I
I feel alone and tired
Should I go back should I go back should I
I hope I won't forget you

My head is made up of memories
Most of them useless delusions
This room is bored of rehearsal
And sick of the boundaries
I miss you so much

Should I go back should I go back should I
I feel alone and tired
Should I go back should I go back should I
This time I don't want to
Should I go back should I go back should I
I feel alone and tired
Should I go back should I go back should I
I hope I won't forget you

Should I go back should I go back should I
I feel alone and tired
Should I go back should I go back should I
This time I don't want to
Should I go back should I go back should I
I feel alone and tired
Should I go back should I go back should I
I hope I won't forget you

Saturday, 10 March 2007

A Great Day...

I think, in life, that one of the greatest things you can do is meet a good friend after sometime. And im not talking about any old friend...I'm talking about one of those friends that laughed with you ,cried with you,fought with you and basically mentored you. Friday happened to be one of those days where i met such a person :). The day didn't start out as what it was meant to be but it ended off how it was meant to! The topics ranged from the mundane to the intellectual and from the easy to the heavy! What would have been a boring friday afternoon stuck on campus waiting turned into a delightful afternoon of catching up and breaking down barriers!All to the sound of progressive trance! THank you my friend, for a great day, a day which i have not had in awhile :)
(btw: despitw what i say you still look younger then i do!). Hehe one day we should do that agen, just don't wait till we old and grey okay


Hehe hey ppl i'm back!Sorry for the long hiatis iys been awhile im sorry Firstly been really busy eish oh well but hopefully il be able to post some this week and start some interesting threads First of all look out for a co -op post coming soon with my fellow gamer MJ i have put it off too long iwe should be posting by the end of following week! So mj hold your horses dude have some sabr!Hmm more on shy looks like i have been beaten to the punch lol have note some developments while not to my liking exactly are encouraging for a friend of mine!Rock on dude i'll have a shot in your name ;-). Hmmm so im back in ladysmith this week coming back to this place is peaceful and i look forward to the peace and the quiet this weekend. Durban is quiet but it lacks the tranquility of this place...The air is still, the insects are a quiet hum, the stars are bright, the sky is clear, the horizon is free, The roads are static. Yeah its definately peaceful :-) lol. There is this tree stump which is in the porch of my house, its flat and about the height of a stool, the top part of the stump is worn smooth and splinters are non existant. The bark on the sides are peeling away to expose the white wood underneath it and its in alot of space facing the entrance of the porch. When i look up into the night skies perched upon this stool, and as i take a long quiet drag from my cigarette and stare at the bright clear skies with all her stars i feel tranquil. The amount of peace derived from there is amazing more so then anywhere else...