Excuse me, I need to purge

So now what? Where too from now? SO i've lost my best friend...(and all other conotations attached in the process). Questions arise...She said she's not going to be in my face for awhile and that she's doing it for my own good. Sigh the fact will remain i don't agree with her.. But after the rollercoaster that was last night i guess it is a semi mutual agreement. I guess Bilu was right we can't be best friends after all that was said and done. Big up to the wise man for forseeing what i could not. So now even if i do get over this (which i don't think is anytime soon) what will become of the great friendship that was once there? Did i just destroy it completely?Does friendship end because of thing like this? You know she told me the chemistry is just not there... but i don't know about that why do i feel as if it is? "something you can't produce". Normally i would go to her for advice about something like this but she's gone for now so i don't know where to turn. Who can help me now? We'll at least i hope she'll miss me in the very least. And (and i know this is selfish and mean and hurtful) but i hope she sees one day that i was right and she'll think to herself: god what did i do? i messed up. And if it's to late then to do anything then so be it. So when i get back from our 'holiday' what will the cards hold? Will i ever recieve any of that trust back or any of that friendship? Or will i be easily replaced while im gone?(as it seems a always am). Yeah i worry about things like that. She said i don't give others a chance but i don't want too the bar she set no one can surpass. You'll are probably thinking: oh my word his infatuated!duh! But i promise i'm not. I made a oath yesterday which i fully intend to keep even if it means hurting myself till my dying days. "i'll never be able to give you the happiness you deserve because i could never love you in the way you want me too" I would have been totally happy with an illusion of it. Am i going around in circles now? I guess she had to be cruel to be kind...And now? Now im sad...because i miss her and i hate fighting with her and it ruins my day and i can't concentrate on anything...Blink (my eternal sound track) kicks in:

"i'm so lost, i'm barely here. i wish i could explain myself, but words escape me, it's too late, to save me.You're too late. You're too late ...".

Your too late. Your too late to save me from this it's gone and its done and there is nothing that can be done about it!

"You're cold with disappointment, While I'm drowning in the next room, The last contagious victim of this plague between us, I'm sick with apprehension, I'm crippled from exhaustion, And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me. This is the first (thing I remember), Now it's the last (thing left on my mind) , Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper), An empty heart (replaced with paranoia), Where do we go (life's temporary), After we're gone (like new years resolutions), Why is this hard (do you recognize me), I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)"

(Quotes from Stockholm Syndrome) i hope your reading them carefully! I'm a fighter and god this one is taking alot out of me! Guess what this one im not letting go